For most of my life, I have been living in a movie. Although cameras are not following my every move, and who would want that? No. My life is a reality show no one has witnessed but myself and my costars. We live the BS reality of love, college, body image, expectations, and every other total wacko thing people want us to be.
I myself live the reality that seems to come directly out of a romantic comedy. However, that ending has yet to come. No, I am "that girl" of the movie. Everyone knows what I am talking about I'm sure. Yes, the one that is underestimated. The one that is an outstanding student. The one that has hidden talents. The one that will do anything to brighten somebody's day. The one that no matter now awful she is feeling on the inside, no one will ever be able to tell. The one that falls for someone amazing. And sadly, the one who doesn't get that amazing guy. The perfect girl... in five years. Yep, I have all the qualities to make an amazing romantic comedy.
If only that perfect ending would hurry up. See right now I'm in the section of sad, soppy music of reflection on the relationship. The camera flips from my bed in thought to his. I ponder what to do about my life and the thoughts of moving on. He holds everything in and tries to show everything is okay. But yet, ah yes, lightbulb. He realizes he messed up. He runs in the rain, or snow, or traffic, whatever romantic comedy your heart desires to me. Kisses and and tells me it was the biggest mistake.
This would be wonderful, but my reality is I am at the part of the movie where you feel terrible for the girl. Where you want to go hold her and tell her everything will be okay. We are two hours into this movie. And I don't know if that happy ending is going to come.
People say that things will all work out, but when you fall hard for someone the way I have fallen, (think Pretty In Pink or Sixteen Candles here) all those thoughts don't matter because you have found the person that makes you feel different. The person that brings the best of you out. More importantly, the person that you can be completely yourself around with no regrets. Someone who understands who you are just by looking at you, and you feel the same just looking into their eyes. You know right then and there that there is something special about him and you would love to just run into his arms forever. You feel protected around him. You understand him. You can't get enough of him. He's the last person you want to talk to when you go to bed, and the first person you want to talk to when you wake up. He is amazing in every single way that someone can be. And to you, he is perfection.
I have found that in a boy. A wonderful, decent person who has made me happier in the past few months than I have been in a long time. He has altered my view on the world for the better and makes me smile the biggest grin. The only problem, he's scared. Romantic comedy, remember?
I know he sees exactly what I do in us, but to him, this new college world is more important than I am. So now here I am, two hours into the movie. The perfect guy has left my sights, needing to think about things and not to return. And honestly, I don't know if this romantic comedy will turn around in my favor.
So here is my life, or just a snidbit of it. I am only human. I love. I feel. I lose. I show joy. I show sorrow. I am real and this is my reality.
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